Make-up remover - Dreams

I sleep.. The dreams come filled with many things. Some good, some bad and some just there. But with my eyes closed  I have no control over what comes and goes in my head. So much time has come since things ended. Your voice barely something I can recall in a waken state. Yet my dreams lately have been filled with you. Not of some fantasy that will never come to be being rescued  from the depths of a cave after being kidnapped by vikings. Lost on a trip into the wilderness and saved by a handsome  woodsman that know the woods so well and keep me company and helps me and we fall in love. None of that, not even close. No they are filled of every day things. watching TV and talking about the shows or stupid things people say on Facebook.

Sitting on the couch watching you put together something and getting mad and I laugh under my breath. Things that are normal. Everyday happening things. Never dream of you coming back and telling me your sorry for leaving and hurting me. They are like nothing bad ever happened. I can feel myself smiling while I am sleeping. The happiness from the dreams wash over me and take over while the rest of the world can't see and goes on. These are things that could very well happen and could be. But then I waken. I am in bed with you not laying next to me. and the sadness and pain form when you left that has taken a long time to get over comes back with a vengeance. The tears stream down my face. the happiness I once felt that was real not just a dream is gone and I am reminded of how it left.

Left with a hole once again, one that I thought had healed over. Like putting salt in a very fresh wound it stings and hurts. A scar that no one can see but me. No one will ever know how much it hurt or how big it is. Covered up with smiles and "I'm fine" or "Everything is great in my life" No one will know the truth that lays beneath the lies only my dreams will tel me that I am not over you nor will I ever get over you. Does time really heal all wounds, or does it just help you figure out how to cover them up like a blemish on your face you cover with make-up? All I know is that no matter what you tell your brain, no matter what you convince yourself you feel. Your heart and dreams will always remind you of the truth of the happiness you had and the sadness that it leaves you filled with now.

So each day, after my dreams end, I will put on my "make-up" and cover up the blemish that lays deep inside.

Never really lost

Love is never really lost
It is just misguided

Misguided I was for the longest time
until you came along

You helped me get back on the main road again.

You have taught me how to love
and trust someone again

You have told me to listen to my heart
and no one else

I know now where my heart has been
and Where my love has traveled to

It all went to you
and is now still with you

Forever and always it will never really be lost
Again


This is something I wrote when I was in the 7th grade so forgive the bad stuff i just thought it would be nice to share some old stuff i have written. So enjoy, hopefully.

makes me sad

Ok I know I am not thin. I am fat, over weight, obese whatever you want to call it. But what pisses me off and makes me sad in this world is that adults, ADULTS, will point stare laugh crack jokes at my expense because of it. I mean seriously your suppose to be grown up and mature but you act worse than freakin kids. It's bad enough when 13 year old kids do it. I mean yeah, they shouldn't but they are still immature in age and worldly knowledge. But as an adult you really really should know better. Hearing these things and seeing these things when I go out to the store or try to go have a nice dinner with my family hurts, a lot. It makes me cry inside and sometimes when I get home I do cry into my pillow. I have resolved to do something about it and I am and just because you can't see that doesn't mean it isn't being done. Sometimes there are medical reason for things and sometimes it is just pure laziness. And I will straight out admit it's a combination of both on my part. But for people to point, stare, whisper, cracks jokes, and laugh at me that doesn't help me feel better about anything I am trying to do at all. The fact that I am judge based on my looks doesn't help things. I am not the prettiest girl out there. I am not a super model, or a star. But I am me and I have feelings. I do the best I can with what I have. I am slowly trying to changes things I don't like about me. So don't get your jolly's off by using me as the object of your jokes. Use yourself because i am sure you have some ugly traits that need to be changes as well. More than likely starting with your maturity level if your making fun of my looks.

Miss The Rain

I sit on the couch where you use to sit
Wrapped up in a blanket pretending your arms are there
I close my eyes and see your face
Then the thunder rumbles in the sky
Back to reality I fly
Empty room I sit and cry
The dark might consume me
I just need you to hear one thing

I miss you like the flowers miss the rain
in the middle of a heat wave
To not have you laughter in my ear is painful
your touch is distance and non existent
Hunni don't you know I miss you like the
flowers miss the rain

the phone rings with a message my heart skips a beat
But when it's not your name tears stream my cheeks 
Knock at the door can make my breath stop cold
But I know when I open it you won't be standing there

I am dying to touch your hair
lay my head on your chest
Baby don't you care
You just can't leave me


I miss you like the flowers miss the rain
in the middle of a heat wave
To not have you laughter in my ear is painful
your touch is distance and non existent
Hunni don't you know I miss you like the
flowers miss the rain

I am drying out form the endless stream of tears
Need a life preserver to save me from this pain
lost in this sea of despair
Loneliness my only friend
I want you to come back and hold me tight
keep me close and kiss away the tears
Bring back the rain

I miss you like the flowers miss the rain
in the middle of a heat wave
To not have you laughter in my ear is painful
your touch is distance and non existent
Hunni don't you know I miss you like the
flowers miss the rain

I miss you like the flowers miss the rain
Bring back the rain take away the sun
it's drying me out
I miss you like the flowers miss the rain
Missin you so bad baby
Like the flowers.....
Miss the rain

My Love

I think I found you my prince charming. You walked into my life and I wasn't really trying. You made me smile when I was down. A smile I though was gone for ever when someone else closed the door on my heart. You are cute the way you lean on your hand and smile watching me sing. You pull all of my heart strings. I didn't think that I could again but then you came and I found it. Right there deep inside. I know that you can't rescue me all on my own. I have to help and we can do this together. Tell me how to save myself, to save us and I will do what I can. I don't want to lose you. I want you to always be my man. Be my shoulder I cry on when I am feeling sad. Be the chest I lay my head upon when we go to bed. Be the laughter that I hear when I trip over air pockets. Be the strong arms I feel to pick me up when I fall. Be the eyes that I look into to see all the love the world has ever known. Make the passion burn inside of me with a furry that has not been there in years. Love me with all your being and you will ever know. Take me in your arms and kiss me and never let me go. My prince charming you can be, you have become. You are everything I need flaws and perfection all in one a perfect combination that will always last. Be mine forever and always and never let go. My Prince, My love.

Give a Damn

I try to tell you what I am thinking
how I am feeling and what is brewing
go left then go right you got me turned inside out
don't you see what your doing
the first kiss you had me forever
but I can't get out of these knots

Shit baby, don't you give a damn
take me by my hand
pull me close and kiss me until
the moon doesn't rise anymore
Hear me say your my man
Shit baby. Don't you give a damn

I had to try and fight
Get around all the road blocks
you turned me around
took away my compus and map
how do you think I'm  gonna deal with that
I can turnaround and hit the highway

Why can't you see it my way


Shit baby, don't you give a damn
take me by my hand
pull me close and kiss me until
the moon doesn't rise anymore

Hear me say your my man

Shit baby. Don't you give a damn

 Heart is racing time is a wasting
you may have me lost
but your the one that is gonna lose
gone forever i will be so you better tell me

Shit baby, don't you give a damn
take me by my hand
pull me close and kiss me until
the moon doesn't rise anymore

Hear me say your my man

Shit baby. Don't you give a damn

Don't you Don't you
Shit baby, tellin you to give a damn
Shit baby don't you know
Don't you see
Tell me baby
Don't you give a damn.

Sing Your Song

I know you think of me when you sing your song
You strum your fingers across your guitar, It's so wrong
You think your words will win me over
you think i will fall into your lies
And Your notes will hide 

Baby I can read the music
I know all your notes by heart now
Your off key hunny,
with your lying lyrics
Baby your song is just, sour.

You say in your room yesterday with blank paper
Trying to figure out a way to say you was wrong
But i am not gonna let you make a come back
can't you see that you have bombed

Baby I can read the music
I know all your notes by heart now
Your off key hunny,
with your lying lyrics
Baby your song is just, sour.

Send out all the demo's you want.
Play the bars and clubs
Sing on the street corner with your case open
I am not coming back for a repeat performance

Baby I can read the music
I know all your notes by heart now
Your off key hunny,
with your lying lyrics
Baby your song is just, sour.

You sit there singing your song
Think about me Baby because I am long gone