fairy dust plum

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Make-up remover - Dreams

I sleep.. The dreams come filled with many things. Some good, some bad and some just there. But with my eyes closed  I have no control over what comes and goes in my head. So much time has come since things ended. Your voice barely something I can recall in a waken state. Yet my dreams lately have been filled with you. Not of some fantasy that will never come to be being rescued  from the depths of a cave after being kidnapped by vikings. Lost on a trip into the wilderness and saved by a handsome  woodsman that know the woods so well and keep me company and helps me and we fall in love. None of that, not even close. No they are filled of every day things. watching TV and talking about the shows or stupid things people say on Facebook.

Sitting on the couch watching you put together something and getting mad and I laugh under my breath. Things that are normal. Everyday happening things. Never dream of you coming back and telling me your sorry for leaving and hurting me. They are like nothing bad ever happened. I can feel myself smiling while I am sleeping. The happiness from the dreams wash over me and take over while the rest of the world can't see and goes on. These are things that could very well happen and could be. But then I waken. I am in bed with you not laying next to me. and the sadness and pain form when you left that has taken a long time to get over comes back with a vengeance. The tears stream down my face. the happiness I once felt that was real not just a dream is gone and I am reminded of how it left.

Left with a hole once again, one that I thought had healed over. Like putting salt in a very fresh wound it stings and hurts. A scar that no one can see but me. No one will ever know how much it hurt or how big it is. Covered up with smiles and "I'm fine" or "Everything is great in my life" No one will know the truth that lays beneath the lies only my dreams will tel me that I am not over you nor will I ever get over you. Does time really heal all wounds, or does it just help you figure out how to cover them up like a blemish on your face you cover with make-up? All I know is that no matter what you tell your brain, no matter what you convince yourself you feel. Your heart and dreams will always remind you of the truth of the happiness you had and the sadness that it leaves you filled with now.

So each day, after my dreams end, I will put on my "make-up" and cover up the blemish that lays deep inside.