fairy dust plum

Sunday, November 27, 2011

change

As I sit here wondering what i shall do, who am I to become?  Who i use to be. In June I was hurt badly by someone who was close to me. I let someone in and let them know things about me. They took those things and used them against me twisted words to get what they want. To steal my life, to take things away form me to destroy me and put me in dispear. I was hurt a lot and it has effected me dearly and deeply. I have only noticed as of late how much it has changed me. I barely talk to anyone anymore. I keep all kinds of things locked up inside me. I don't share. I don't socialize. I work. I make projects for myself to keep me busy. I love doing these things don't get me wrong. But I wish I could be more carefree like I use to. To share, to have fun, to be more enjoyable to be around. I know that people don't talk to me like they use to. I am not favored I know. I mean I don't want to be praised or favored. But I guess I just...... I don't know. I think about all those things that happened and it still hurts me it still makes me cry. IS that wrong. I have moved past it. Or so I think. Maybe I haven't since I am still hurt so much about it and I let it change me so much and haven't fully recovered form what happened. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel or who I can trust. I use to believe that everyone was basically good and trust worthy. I had no hesitations about things, about people. But now I question everyone's motives what they want form me what they will do what they do with what I tell them. I am not who I use to be, and I don't think I changed for the better. I just don't know what to do with the realization of all of this. Is there anyone that can help me get past it or am I screwed until I get through it on my own?

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